11 Comments

“What Would I Do If My Daughter Told Me She Was Gay” by Stephen Altrogge

Stephen Altrogge has posted an article at his blog, The Blazing Center, about how he, as a Christian father, would respond if his daughter came to him and said she was gay. This is one of the most gospel centered, compassionate responses I have ever read. I ask that you read this article and consider, how would you respond if you found yourself in this situation?

“My oldest daughter, Charis, is four, so hopefully we’re a little while away from having any sort of sex talk. But at some point in the future I’m sure I’ll be talking to Charis, along with the rest of my kids, about sexuality, and there’s the possibility that one of my kids will experience homosexual attraction.

What would I do if Charis told me that she was experiencing homosexual attractions?

The first thing I’d do is give her a giant hug and tell her that nothing, nothing, nothing can ever change my love for her. She’s my precious little girl, and nothing is ever going to change that. I’d thank her for telling me about her feelings and tell her that she can always tell me anything, no matter how big or small. I want my kids to feel comfortable telling me anything, and to know that I won’t get angry with them no matter what they tell me.”

Read the remainder of the article here.

About Chris Hohnholz

Born again believer in Jesus Christ • Co-Host, Producer, All Around Gofer Monkey at Cross Encounters Radio

11 comments on ““What Would I Do If My Daughter Told Me She Was Gay” by Stephen Altrogge

  1. Thanks for posting this. The full article is a wonderful example of how to counsel a loved one.

    “Well sweetie,” I’d say. “Sin has distorted every person’s sexuality. Every time I’m tempted to lust after a woman, that’s a distortion of my sexuality. Every time you’re tempted to lust after a person of the same sex, that’s also distortion. See, you and I are the same. It just works itself out a little bit differently. We both desperately need Jesus. … Then I’d say, “You know what? We’ll keep talking about this, but right now, let’s go get ice cream”.”

  2. Well written! As I was finishing your article, 1 Peter 4:8 came to mind; “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”

    Albert Barnes states, “True love to another makes us kind to his imperfections, charitable toward his faults”

    I think your message hits home even harder to those of us who have children!

  3. Wow..what a great article that was! He did such a great job with it. Thanks for sharing it here!

  4. May I suggest, if you haven’t done so already, to click on the “Read the remainder of the article here” and then follow all the comments to the article made there; I’d recommend a study of two by “Curt” as they do give one a greater understanding of the issues and beautifully follow on in the spirit in which Stephan has set a great example to all of us.

  5. I love the beginning part where he said he would hug her and tell her he’d always love her. After that he goes astray with a mushy kind of message that seems to leave out repentance and inserts a works based salvation. He skipped the gospel. We cannot go all mushy and say God loves everyone and skip repentance and then move onto the part where we must deny ourselves take up our cross and follow Jesus—THEN, we could have a bunch of unconverted people who are practicing “works salvation”…Btw God does not love everyone as this gentleman said and Psalm 5:5 says so..

    God has to change our hearts and we HAVE to be born again by God from above.. When God changes our hearts he changes our desires and gives us new desires that long to please the LORD…

    I grew up after being sexually molested by my own father with homosexual attractions. I know how it is.It’s impossible to get rid of those feelings. ONLY when I was saved did they go away. Do I struggle with those feelings? rarely from time to time I do since this stinking sin nature is still in me. But like the Father said our IDENTITY is WHO WE ARE IN CHRIST”.. Heterosexuals struggle just the same even after they’ve been born again. It IS a matter of denying self taking up our cross and following Christ and that cannot be done unless we’ve truly received God’s pardon-his GRACE and not before we are saved.

    We cannot save ourselves and we cannot change our identity. Only God can save us and change our hearts of stone into a heart of flesh. Only when we trust fully in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior can ALL our sins be washed away by his precious blood-for without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”

  6. Another Pilgrim wrote:
    ” I think we need to follow the lead of Stephan and hear Curt on these matters lest we eventually arrive at the Great White Throne and are asked to account for all the gay and lesbian folk who we have hated right out of His Church into the arms of Satan”

    Please don’t lump me in with the “hate preachers”!
    In the first place, I don’t hate homosexuals! I share the gospel with them in the same manner that I would anyone else! They have broken God’s holy law –long before– they ever had homosexual tendencies of any kind! If the topic of being gay or lesbian comes up during our conversation, I’ll deal with it but to me the basics need to be dealt with first! (lying, theft, using God’s name as a cuss word etc.) Folks need to be confronted with their sin; they need to repent!

    And please don’t tell me that it’s just my interpretation of the Bible! There are a number of verses condemning homosexuality that a four year old could properly interpret! Curt talks about the “spirit” when he doesn’t know the Spirit because he hasn’t repented! Repentance is key to salvation and my prayer is that Curt will see this very fact and turn from his gay lifestyle!

    Incidentally Nathan, Stephens article is dead on the money concerning the care a Christian father should have for one of his children!!

    Linda wrote:
    “After that he goes astray with a mushy kind of message that seems to leave out repentance and inserts a works based salvation. He skipped the gospel.”

    I’m sure you understand it’s a hypothetical.
    Obviously she has grown up (whatever her age) in a Christian home so she is, or should be familiar with the gospel. As his article states, this is a first time encounter with this problem and from my perspective, he handles the situation admirably!
    God bless you-

  7. Not sure about this one:

    ” I think we need to follow the lead of Stephan and hear Curt on these matters lest we eventually arrive at the Great White Throne and are asked to account for all the gay and lesbian folk who we have hated right out of His Church into the arms of Satan”?

    We are to judge within the Church sin of whatever color and at times as we learn when reading 1 Corinthians remedial discipline by the Church upon the unrepentant means we “turn” one over to Satan.

    As for the world, well, there is great deference tolerating their lifestyle, which we are not to judge:

    1Co 5:9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people–
    1Co 5:10 not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world.
    1Co 5:11 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler–not even to eat with such a one.
    1Co 5:12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge?
    1Co 5:13 God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.”

  8. okay, Rev Limiter thanks for your discernment and understanding because I just didn’t see it and ardent when it comes to the gospel-the full gospel.

  9. Ad Rev Limiter:
    I’m not sure if I did lump you in with “hate preachers” but perhaps one could also say ” I think we need to follow the lead of Stephan and hear Curt on these matters lest we eventually arrive at the Great White Throne and are asked to account for all the gay and lesbian folk who we have condemned and accused right out of His Church into the arms of Satan”
    Would you allow me a while for answering further before you comment on the above cryptic response; and it will I hope, be general and not pointing fingers at anybody.
    incidentally, I’m not taking up the cudgels in favor of Kurt nor of Stephan but I do rather think that perhaps we (you, me and others) are focusing too much on one particular sin. Maybe that way nobody looks at mine?

  10. Looking forward to our dialogue!

  11. Stephen commented there,

    “I think where you and I differ is on our view of God. You say that you need to find ‘your own peace with your God’.

    The only problem is, God is not my God. I don’t get to define him, he defines me. I don’t have the right to decide what God is like and what he’s not like. I simply have to submit myself to who he is and what he has revealed about himself in the Bible. I can’t tell my daughter to make peace with her own God. She must make peace with the real God who really exists and has created sexuality.

    You also seem to have created your own definition what God created you for. We were created by God for his purpose and we are called to submit our lives to his purpose. We don’t get to decide why God created us.”

    Excellent thoughts – yes, we are to be loving and gracious in our deportment, but the world that seeks to define God by their own standards will find they have no true God, and certainly have never known the reality of the New Birth.

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