7 Comments

How many light bulbs?

I found this gem on Symphony of Scripture.

Q: How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, since his hands are in the air anyway.
A: Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls!
A: Twenty one, one to change it, and twenty to share the experience!

Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

Q: How many hyper-Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If God wants the light bulb changed He will do it Himself!

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.

These were all good, but one was missing so I thought I’d add my own:

Q: How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. They figure it will change itself in a billion years.

7 comments on “How many light bulbs?

  1. Q: How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Change?

  2. Q: How many humanists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None – they deny the darkness.

  3. fourpointer,

    Hmmmm… I just sent a response and it seems to have ended up in ‘electron heaven’.

    Anyway, I said that I was merely keeping in the spirit of levity suggested by this post, in that as a Lutheran (LCMS), I considered myself a member of the ‘frozen chosen’.

    I too lament the cliff that ELCA has fallen off. The sound you hear is Martin Luther rolling in his grave.

    If you’re interested, here is a response from our Synodical President:

    “Statement re certain actions of the 2009 Churchwide Assembly of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America

    August 24, 2009

    Statement of the president of The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod in response to certain actions of the 2009 Churchwide Assembly of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America

    The two largest Lutheran church bodies in the United States are the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) with 4.8 million members and The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod (LCMS) with 2.4 million members.

    On Friday, Aug. 21, the Churchwide Assembly of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America voted to open the ministry of the ELCA to gay and lesbian pastors and other professional workers living in “committed relationships.” In an earlier action, the assembly approved a resolution that commits the ELCA “to finding ways to allow congregations that choose to do so to recognize, support, and hold publicly accountable life-long, monogamous, same-gender relationships.”

    The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod has repeatedly affirmed as its own position the historical understanding of the Christian church that the Bible condemns homosexual behavior as “intrinsically sinful.” It is therefore contrary to the will of the Creator and constitutes sin against the commandments of God (Lev. 18:22, 24,20:13; 1 Cor. 6:9-20; 1 Tim 1:9-10; and Rom. 1:26, 27).

    Addressing the ELCA assembly on Saturday, Aug. 22, I responded to their aforementioned actions, stating: “The decisions by this assembly to grant non-celibate homosexual ministers the privilege of serving as rostered leaders in the ELCA and the affirmation of same-gender unions as pleasing to God will undoubtedly cause additional stress and disharmony within the ELCA. It will also negatively affect the relationships between our two church bodies. The current division between our churches threatens to become a chasm. This grieves my heart and the hearts of all in the ELCA, the LCMS, and other Christian church bodies throughout the world who do not see these decisions as compatible with the Word of God, or in agreement with the consensus of 2,000 years of Christian theological affirmation regarding what Scripture teaches about human sexuality. Simply stated, this matter is fundamentally related to significant differences in how we [our two church bodies] understand the authority of Holy Scripture and the interpretation of God’s revealed and infallible Word.”

    Doctrinal decisions adopted already in 2001 led the LCMS, in sincere humility and love, to declare that we could no longer consider the ELCA “to be an orthodox Lutheran church body” (2001 Res 3-21A). Sadly, the decisions of this past week to ignore biblical teaching on human sexuality have reinforced that conclusion. We respect the desire to follow conscience in moral decision making, but conscience may not overrule the Word of God.

    We recognize that many brothers and sisters within the ELCA, both clergy and lay, are committed to remaining faithful to the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, are committed to the authority of Holy Scripture, and strongly oppose these actions. To them we offer our assurance of loving encouragement together with our willingness to provide appropriate support in their efforts to remain faithful to the Word of God and the historic teachings of the Lutheran church and all other Christian churches for the past 2,000 years.

    Dr. Gerald B. Kieschnick, President
    The Lutheran Church – Missouri Synod

    “Transforming lives through Christ’s love … in time … for eternity …” John 3:16-17

    [Editor’s Note: A complete draft of President Kieschnick’s address to the ELCA Churchwide Assembly is posted on the LCMS Web site at http://www.lcms.org .]“

  4. Jeff,

    I think in the interest of brevity my response may have sounded sarcastic. It was not meant to be so. My apologies for any misunderstanding.

    And yes, I do applaud the LCMS for holding on in that regard.

  5. fourpointer,

    No worries!

    We must continue to pray for the ELCA, as I’m afraid that the light bulb is not being changed, rather the church has changed to accommodate the darkness…

    In Jesus,

    - Jeff

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